Week 56: A close call

Knowing better but still doing something counterproductive...what is that the definition of?
Often this is the case with someone trying to change their ways and improve their life. We backslide. We're human. We need to forgive ourselves but figure out why we did this.

I admit that I have eaten things and not tracked because of not knowing the points and not bothering to try to guess what they might be or look up a close proximity. That has been the exception, not the rule, and in each case of doing this the past year, I did not go overboard in quantity consumed (my arbitrary definition of overboard) and each time thought the item consumed was worth it.

So what happened this week?

It began with a sinfully delicious banana cream pudding. The quantity made for Father's Day a week ago yesterday was huge. It was the first time making the recipe so I didn't want to play around with substitutions. Even after giving away most of what remained after dinner, there was still a lot of dessert left. I had two more servings of this or was it three? The dangers of not tracking included memory loss.

It will be a long time before I make this dessert again so that isn't a threatening, ongoing problem. My issue was something from my past haunting me.

Mindless handfuls of those sneaky things were taken to my desk while working on the computer or on art projects. Ashamed of this, even while reaching for them, I did not track them. I didn't want to know how many points they were, especially after the banana cream pudding.

You know what the kicker is? The banana dessert was a rare treat and worth it, the M&Ms were not. M&Ms never are. Why did I reach for them? Because they were there? That is a lame excuse. There are other things that could get me "in trouble" both in the house and readily available at the grocery store and restaurants. Why M&Ms? I really don't have an answer but will think about it.

Why are they in the house at all? They are here for my grandson. I thought I could control myself and did a decent job of it until I moved them from a bag in the cupboard to the candy dish of my childhood. I am putting them back in a ziploc bag and getting back to tracking.

I still managed to lose .2 pounds but that isn't what I expected, hence the "whew!"

Onward, and downward with an empty candy dish

Week # 55

I feel bad that I've been rushed the past two Mondays and haven't been able to stay for the meetings BUT I did get to them to weigh in. Yay me!!

An even bigger Yay me if for losing 2.1 pounds since last week. My total is now 71.9 gone.

Week 54

Busy weekend, busy week and another busy weekend ahead. I'll be making the best choices I can in instances that are not in my control.

I was up .2 yesterday which didn't surprise me at all, or perhaps I should say I was surprised it was only .2 pounds up. 

I know why this happened but I also know this isn't the beginning of a bad trend. I've come to far for that to happen. I have a feeling if I had weighed in today or tomorrow, I would have been the same or down on the scales, but that is life, right? Not every day gives you what you'd like, but you can almost always make the day a better one.

Onward and downward, even in the whirlpool of life in June!

53rd Week

Another good week!

I recently told someone that I'm sure the reason for my success this time is my mind set. It isn't just wanting to lose weight, I've felt that most of my overweight years. It has been the conscious decision to eat better and be healthier. How has that differed from before? Most often my drive before was to lose X amount of pounds and get to a certain weight or dress size. Once there, I relaxed and began slipping into old ways. Maybe not immediately, but slowly 5 extra pounds became 10 and so on.

I can honestly say that I have not felt deprived of anything this past year. Not once! It helps that some of the fruits that used to have a point value (bananas) don't have them now. As Suzanne (WW leader) once said, many people might have a control problem with a bag of potato chips but has anyone bought a bunch of bananas and ate all of them in one sitting? Not that I know of. 

Before, I would reach a goal along with the way and treat myself with a splurge of food. I don't do that now. I don't mean that I haven't had something that was a splurge before, I just don't look at it as a "treat". I either plan for it or if I ate it at an unexpectedly*  I scaled back on consumption for the rest of the day and made sure not to dip further into my 49 extra weekly points. 

*What do I mean by unexpectedly?  Saturday I had a class from 10 am-1:00 pm at a location that should be 40 minutes away. Construction completely closed down an expressway that would have been my most direct route. Unexpected construction on a surface road near the venue made the trip twice as long. I had planned to come home from class and have lunch. I knew I would be overly hungry ("hangry" as a current commercial  for Snickers says) and there was a McDonald's on the corner as I was leaving for home. I had an 8 pt plain cheeseburger and diet Coke before hitting the traffic jam that was worse heading home than in the morning. That 8 pt cheeseburger is my safety food when I'm out and need to eat quickly. Is it the most nutritious thing? No, but it is easy and I know how to count it. I don't get out of control with that choice.

Later that afternoon I had some fruit to hold me over until a later than usual dinner at a wedding reception. I had more meat than I would normally have at home, but I had more tossed salad and vegetables than I used to eat at wedding receptions. It really was good, not a penance, and it certainly helped fill me up. The dessert table looked beautiful but....another HUGE difference....I knew that I wasn't at all hungry. It was easy to admire it and walk away empty handed. Heck, I can admire a $10,000 necklace without thinking I can afford it, need it or be tempted to try it on, and now I can look at desserts that way too. I don't need them. Sometimes they are tempting so I have to think of my WW budget. Can I afford them? Sometimes I can. Sometimes they aren't worth the price. 

I was down another .8 pounds on the scale at weigh in for a total of 70 pounds gone!  Here I am, dressed for the wedding and holding my month old granddaughter.

Onward and downward!

One Year!!

When you aren't ready, you can come up with so many reasons why you simply can't start changing your life today. Lord knows I was there and still am about a few things. The best advice I can give is to start. 

Just start. 

Forgive yourself when you slip up. Keep starting. As many times as necessary. 

This photo is from Christmas 2013, six months before returning to Weight Watchers.

I returned to WW on June 2, 2014. I've been to a meeting every week since with the exception of the week we were on vacation in February.

This photo was taken two weeks ago. I am, as of today, 69.2 pounds lighter. 

 

Do I look like I'm smirking? I was trying to look badass but the urge to laugh at myself was too strong. I have wanted a jean jacket for years. Decades! Whenever I found one that fit, it looked terrible. I seem to be living in this jacket now. It is a symbol for me. Also Michigan is still having cold weather even though it is now June 1st. 

What has this loss done for me so far?

• I move better
• I don't feel like I am sinking into furniture and worry about getting up 
• I don't crave the foods that I once did
• I no longer take blood pressure medication
• I have fun shopping for new clothes and shoes
• I have more confidence
• I like how I look and love how I feel

I am not at goal yet but I'm not worried about getting there. I KNOW that I will do this. My goal isn't actually the number that will eventually become my "normal weight". Any of us can reach that number if that is all we aim for. It is maintaining that number that can be the much harder goal. How do I know it will be different for me this time? Because my relationships with food and with my body have changed.

Food is no longer a celebration, a consolation, a time filler or an anger manager. Food is what I need to keep to going the way my car needs gas, oil and air in the tires. Some food tastes better than others but that doesn't mean I have to eat a pint of ice cream (gee, can you tell what tastes good to me?). A small amount today tastes good. Another reasonable amount tomorrow or the next day will taste good too. You don't put 30 gallons of gas in a car that has an 18 gallon tank. 

Never has the correlation between what I eat and how I feel been this strong. Maybe my senses were dull until I hit my 60s, but I am proof that Sixty can be Swell, maybe even Sexy....but only if you have a jean jacket. 

Onward and downward!