The struggle continues

In January I wrote that I was 27.5 pounds from goal. Today I am 32 pounds away. I don't like this. I don't like how I look or how I feel. The problems that I alluded to in January are not present now so I have no excuses or legitimate reasons not to get back on program.

Speaking of programs though, I am going rogue for a while because I am angry. I did resume going to WW on the first Monday of February. A special promotion was offered, three months for a certain price. I paid that and unfortunately, that was the only Monday that I attended but that was not WW fault, it was circumstances beyond my control. I am not angry over prepaying for those three months.

A few weeks ago I was reconciling my charge card statement. There was $52 payment to WW. I did not knowingly sign up for this although I had done this previously. Shame on me for not reading the fine print in February, but also shame on the WW staff for not making this clear to me then.

I may fritter away $13 per week on nothing or worse, on junk food, but not for meetings that I could not attend. I still have good feelings about my leader and the members of the Monday meeting but I doubt I will rejoin them soon. I am going to attempt to lose most of the weight on my own and return when I am much closer to goal and then I will pay per meeting, assuming that is still an option.

Here we go again.....

I fell off the proverbial wagon late last summer. I could give you my reason and many would understand but I am here to say that a reason is often an excuse. Does everyone see a difference between an excuse in gaining (or a lapse in any other behavior that you are trying to correct) and a reason, meaning something that was beyond your control?  Going on steroids for a medical condition often causes weight gain but if you need steroids, that is a medical priority which is a reason. 

Instead of being 11.8 pounds from goal as I was last July, I am currently 27.5 pounds away. 

Rats!

Big, fat rats!

But you know what? I'm not beating myself up over this. With the exception of the last two weeks when I embraced a what the hell attitude all too often, I remained aware of intake even when I had stopped tracking. Circumstances of when and where I ate with little time to prepare something that would be good for me resulted in choices that were, at best, the lesser of some evils. Getting through a tough time with my head still screwed on straight tells me I am a survivor, even if a pudgier one than I'd like to be.

I can do this.

I still can't commit to Monday morning meetings but that should change soon. I could try another day or another leader but I want some of my old "normal" back so Mondays with Suzanne and the group of members that I liked is where I want to be. 

This is how life goes. You get thrown curve balls or whatever cliche you prefer. You juggle priorities. If the house is on fire, getting the bed made before the fire department arrives is not a concern. The positive thing about doing something so well for so long is that your awareness keeps tingling even if you've fallen off the wagon and don't quite have the energy to even try to keep up on a given day. No one wants to undo all the good they've accomplished and yet I have done that many time, twice in a BIG way with re-gains. 

If it were easy for those of us with the propensity to gain weight, we'd never have setbacks. Everyone has something. Don't be envious of the person who seems to be naturally slim. They may not have weight issues but there is something serious in their life that they want to change or have changed and struggle to maintain. 

I can do this and I will. One pound, heck...one ounce even, at a time. 

See you at the scales with a smile, not tears.