Weeks 66 and 67: Busy and Bothered

I've been busier than usual lately and last week's post didn't happen because I was struggling. My weight loss was zero last week, but that wasn't the struggle. I was contemplating when to speak up and when to let it go.

Normally the opinions of others don't bother me too much. I can't say that I'm completely immune, but I know WHO I am and how far I've come, both in regards to weight and many other areas of my life. If a person calls me ugly, fat, stupid, etc., I am more apt to wonder what is going on with them that prompted that outburst than worried that I am any of those things.

I grew up hearing "consider the source" and this usually carries me through. Sometimes an unkind comment is made when the speaker has no idea they are saying something potentially painful. "Why don't you try for a girl?" might seem like a harmless question to the mother of two sons, but not if she lost a daughter on the delivery table and had an emergency hysterectomy because of a ruptured uterus. That example happened more than once to me, but always with someone who didn't know my personal history and I never took offense. If a response was actually required, I usually simply said that I couldn't have any more kids. No sense making someone feel worse when they have inadvertently put their foot in their mouth, right?

As someone who has always done arts and crafts, I've heard more times than I can count "you have too much time on your hands".  Really? Someone is monitoring my time and making a judgement? My father's words about being better than others when it comes to rudeness is the only thing that prevented me from telling one woman (a frequent repeater of that phrase) that she could get a few things done too if she got out of the bars a few nights per week.

I may not speak retaliatory slurs but I do think them. Usually I can let it go after that.

We all have people that we must continue to work with or around. Relatives, neighbors and co-workers can't be avoided forever. My struggle with the post that was started but never submitted last week was about dealing with one such person. At what point do you hold out your hand and say STOP?

The last three times I've encountered this person, the first or second thing out of her mouth was to comment on how the loose skin in my upper arms (and elsewhere) was never going to go away. The first time, I made no comment. The second time I told her she is repeating herself. The third time I told her I am fine with this. The last two encounters were in the presence of others and that is part of what stopped me from saying more.

I could you give you a list of things she has said over the years that have been rude and unsolicited. If I ask you how this dress looks, I've opened the door to your opinion. Telling me that I look like hell in brown after seeing a photo of me having a good time at a wedding reception is not the same thing.

The silent treatment doesn't work with her. She isn't quiet long enough to notice the frosty silence. During the last two weeks I've replayed numerous things she has said as I mentally rehearsed telling her off. Part of me would like to stand toe to toe and scream my words so that spittle lands on her face. That would be for the rude remarks about family. Would that change her? I doubt it. It isn't just towards me, I've witnessed this with others.

Many things have popped up on Facebook or been encountered on Pinterest that seem to be speaking directly to me on this. I've decided that I won't seek her out to say anything that I had planned, but I will cut her off the next time she says anything demeaning. If you stepped on my toe once, I'd assume it was an accident. If you didn't apologize, I would think you hadn't noticed. If you repeatedly did this, I'd say something before you bruised or broke my toe. That is where I am on this, it is time to say something. I can't stop anyone from thinking what they will, nor can I stop them from talking about me to others, but she doesn't have my permission to talk that way to me. If speaking up ends what is left of our relationship, it will be a parting long overdue.

These first three graphics are what I feel and have to smile about before I can get to the last one.

And finally....Bingo!

To end on a WW update, this week I am down another .7 pounds for a total of 79.7 gone. I sure hope I reach 80 next week, arm flaps and all!

Onward and downward (except if caught in an updraft)!

Week # 65

Today is a Tuesday that feels like a Monday. Yesterday was Labor Day, Saturday was our 40th anniversary and we had the kids and grandkids with us this weekend at the cottage. Nothing was "normal" in activity or food, but all was good. 

I made brownies for the weekend and my daughter-in-law brought homemade chocolate chip cookies. I ate some of both. We also had two casserole main dishes that I didn't try to figure out the count. This is why, despite the encouragement from the lovely ladies who work at WW, I will never be employed by WW. The plan is great. The plan works. The plan isn't something I follow to a tee though.

What have I learned since the last time I tried to fudge the plan? That you can't vary by much and expect good results. People who know nutrition, metabolism and math spend a lot of time and research discovering what will work and why. Those of who have battled weight for years can't alter of their work and then complain when it doesn't work. 

So, getting back to what I've learned that works for me is that I am probably not going to spend the rest of my life counting points exactly BUT I know what the boundaries are. The time spent with family and my choices were special occasions and yes, I could have figured out the points but honestly, some of the things were going to be consumed no matter what. The difference that remains a constant is the smaller amount of what I eat unless I know it is a safe food for me. Fruits and vegetables are safe, filling and good for me. 

My family has a history at our cottage of going to one of two places for wonderful ice cream. My daughter-in-law didn't feel like going and my husband wasn't interested in ice cream the night that my sons and grandson went. Despite being married to me for 40 years, my husband can turn down ice cream when he isn't hungry for it. Turning down ice cream is new to me but I've learned I can do that and still function.

It does help that neither place usually has plain coffee ice cream which is my all time favorite. The above concoction looks like Play-doh to me and I dare not taste it. Ever. I have yet to find a flavor of ice cream that I wouldn't eat. Some people struggle with salty foods, some struggle with alcohol (and I mean WW points, not substance abuse) and me...it is ice cream. I don't care for rhubarb but I would eat rhubarb ice cream if you set it front of me. 

I'm not saying I never have ice cream now, but I am controlling it, IT isn't controlling me. I almost always have some form of WW ice cream in the house, and if I eat the really good stuff, I order it out where portion control is part of the deal. An open half gallon of coffee ice cream would call to me all day long and might even try to wake me up at night. That is a splurge best left to restaurants and ice cream vendors where two scoops, max, is the most that would be served at one sitting.

I'll have more to say about what I've learned next week but I'm rambling now. I went to an open weigh in this morning and was happy that despite the sweets, I managed to keep things in some form of balance and lost another .9 pounds for a total of 79.  I am in a new number bracket (like being 39 instead of 40 except age never goes down) and I am looking forward to losing another pound so that I can say 80 are gone. 

Onward, downward and still motivated!

Week # 64

Monday's meeting was emotional for many members, but not in a bad way. It has continued to be an emotional week around me. I'm happy to say that for me it has been good emotions. I'm definitely feeling loved and respected. As Martha Stewart would say, this is a good thing.

The weight I had gained the previous week is gone plus another .7 for a new total of 78.1 pounds gone. I shared this picture with my knitting group and with the paper (card) group.

The photo on the left was taken on August 25, 2013. The photo on the right is from June 6, 2015.

It isn't that I didn't know I was overweight. What took me so long to get to the point of returning to WW is a mystery to me. My point is that with 78 pounds gone and looking at the photos, I surprise myself. I can no more imagine picking up 78 pounds and taking five steps with it, much less carrying it all day and going up and down stairs.

Onward and downward.  (And back up those stairs and down again, with ease.)

# 63 Hmmmmmm.......

Up 1.1 today. While not happy, I'm not surprised. I've been constipated. How ugly is that to admit? I expect this will resolve itself soon.

I had a day last week where I unintentionally went from dinner around six one night until lunch the following day at 12:30 with nothing more than a glass or two of water before bedtime. I didn't feel bad at lunchtime, but was definitely hungry. The headache and achy gut came afterward. Lunch and dinner that day were good choices, I think dehydration set things off.

Today I asked my leader about constipation. Am I getting my water in? Yes, that one day last week was unusual. Am I getting my healthy oils in? Not always.

My goal for this week is to do better with those oils. I'm also resuming magnesium supplements. I took them out of my morning routine and that could part of my problem. Magnesium is supposed to be good at warding off headaches and also constipation.

I'd be lying if I said I was happy about the scale this morning, but I'm not unhappy or anything worse over that pound. Not just because it is a small number, but because I am so much more than a number. This isn't a derailment, just a hiccup along the way.

Onward and downward!

Week # 62

Ten weeks past a year already? Wow, time flies!

I was surprised and happy to drop another 2.2 pounds this week. My new total is 77.4 pounds gone. I am so focused on the number tally that is gone, I don't remember what my weight is, I have to go back and look at it or do the math.

My husband informed me that I needed new slacks since my current khakis are drooping. I went shopping yesterday and came home with a new pair in an exciting size....a 14! For some people, a 14 sounds huge, but coming from a 24 before starting this journey, a 14 is great! I shop in what I consider low to mid-price stores most of time. At my best weight as an adult, most of slacks were 12s in the stores I frequented. That is part of why this 14 is so exciting....it means I'm getting close!

At almost 63 and a lazy attitude toward exercise, I doubt I will ever have firm upper arms, thighs and tummy again. Maybe I will work on that attitude and improve, but I feel so much better, I'm not concerned with that right now. If anyone doesn't want to look at what is loose, they can look the other way.

It sure is fun shopping in regular size departments again.

Onward, downward and on to the mall!

Weigh In # 61

A friend recently posted something on Facebook about giving smiles and compliments and how we never know how greatly appreciated they can be by the recipient. I know that this is true, but it really hit home this morning when I was surprised to be the recipient. Many of the people at WW say positive, flattering things to me and others and this is always appreciated but doesn't catch me by surprise. We're like family at this point. A nice word is always welcome but it isn't truly surprising from some because they are so supportive.

There is a woman who joined our meeting recently. I don't think I've had any recognition (awards) since she has been coming so I wouldn't assume she knows how much I've lost or what I looked like in the beginning. She said something today that ended with "as thin as Charlene". Our meeting leader caught the look on my face and asked me how that made me feel. I made a fanning my face motion with my hands and smiled because I didn't know what to say. The meeting ended a few minutes later. I got into my car and burst into tears.

I was a fat kid. Other kids were often cruel. Most of my adult life I've been overweight and some adults are as cruel as kids had been. I think I've accepted and liked myself most of my life, but to say the verbal arrows didn't hurt when they hit would be a lie.  My husband, sons, daughter-in-law and other close friends have said great things to me. Hearing "thin" in the same sentence as my name coming from someone whose first name I just learned last week got to me.

My new total loss is 75.2 pounds. Maybe some of what I lost was a defensive shield.

Onward and downward with a big smile on my face!

# 60 (and # 59 too)

Do some people really have time to feel bored? Not me. I didn't know retirement could be so busy! The good thing is that most days are alarm clock free.

I had my grandkids here during the day last Monday through Friday. Yep, I'm one of those grandmas who think they are utter joys and loved every minute of them being here but I was tired at the end of the day. The needs of the 5 year old are much different than those of the two month old. They both seemed to need something whenever I so much as thought about writing a post last week, but hey....they are only small for a little while and one day I will miss being needed.

The weekend was full of family also with a retirement party held at the grandkid's home for their other Papa. It was a wonderful day with a bit of overindulgence where WW points are concerned. I still managed to lose .1 this week and 1.7 the previous week for a new total of 74.1 gone!

I am so looking forward to hitting 75 pounds gone!