I hear people speaking negatively about themselves and it makes me sad. Some of these kind people would never said a bad word about someone else but are so hard on themselves. I know I've had some of those feelings about myself in the past, but not in recent years, at least not often. That hasn't changed because of weight loss. I liked myself 84 pounds heavier, I am simply healthier and proud of what I've accomplished now.
Negativity is around us, sometimes coming from people who simply don't realize what they're saying.
Just one dessert won't hurt.
You're going to blow away if you lose another pound.
You don't need to lose any more weight.
You're no fun anymore.
Short of being a drug addict or alcoholic and having an addicted friend tell you that just one {insert substance of choice here} won't hurt, no one clean and sober would tell you that one hit or drink won't hurt you. People who don't want to lose a dessert buddy or those who have never had a weight issue may not realize these remarks are inappropriate.
Beyond them, there are those who should know better but open their yaps anyway. Like the reformed smoker or drinker who seems to be on a mission to change everyone else, there are those who have lost weight and think they should comment on what you eat and weigh.
Should you be eating that?
How much did you say you lost? (somehow implying they don't believe the total)
What I am about to say is about someone within the organization where I have been so successful. I have debated about saying something to this person directly but A) I don't like confrontation unless I feel it is absolutely necessary and B) I will continue to encounter this person and this discussion could cloud the future.
I will call this person X and not reveal anything else about them. X sometimes works at the weigh in counter and sometimes subs as a speaker. There are many good qualities about X but some don't sit well with me and I recently discovered I am not alone.
Weight Watchers is not about shaming. They are not the food police. If you encounter WW personnel in a grocery store or restaurant, they are not there to judge you by what is in your cart or on your plate and vice versa. I say this in case someone is reading this entry, unsure about the WW program and thinks my comments about one person is representative of all. X is the only exception and on any given day, you might not recognize them from what I am about to say.
In speaking about this past holiday, X told the meeting that X and spouse were at an event where the spouse sat near a table of snacks and desserts. X told us that they went over to their spouse and told spouse to move from that seat because spouse had already had eaten 2 cookies.
THUD!
That wasn't just the sound of my jaw dropping, but of others around me. Thinking about this later, perhaps X and spouse watch out for each other and the comment was welcome by the spouse, but the way this was recounted to us was very judgmental and felt downright rude.
In my previous post I said that I did over indulge occasionally over the holidays, but was still mindful of what I was doing. The instances prior to X's meeting didn't make me feel happy, sad, guilty or mad. The two instances after X's story made me feel anger. I replayed X's story and felt they were judging me even without their eyes being present. It didn't help that X had been the person weighing me in with both gains.
Since I have not discussed this with X, they have no reason to know how I feel or how their comments were taken by those of us in attendance. The purpose of this entry isn't to bash someone but to let anyone who might be reading this (or to remind me) that each of us is in control of what we do. Whether X means to be judgmental or just sounds pompous while having good intentions, when we hear something negative we have two choices.
Speak up if it is something that needs to be stopped
-or-
Let it go and remind yourself that your opinion on how you are doing is the one that counts.
Having given this enough thought that I decided to write about it, if X speaks this way again about their spouse, I will say something during the meeting. If they aren't being unkind but just not telling their story well, they'll know how we members are hearing them and might chose their wording differently next time. If they are being pompous, they'll know that I see that and don't like it. Is that negative? No, it is standing up for myself and everyone who is on this journey.
Three days have passed since I wrote the above portion of this entry. I've gone back and forth on the merits of sharing this and decided it is a good thing for me to do. This is probably all for naught as I don't think many are reading this, but as I said above, it will be a reminder to ME.
What clinched the decision was talking about WW with my knitting group last night. One woman has attended a few meetings where X has subbed and she knew immediately who I was referring to the minute I told the cookie story.
Onward with the journey
Downward with the scale numbers
Upward with a positive attitude!
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