Starting over

Eleven months ago I complained that I was 32 pounds from goal. Today I am 37.5 away, and that is with a 4-pound improvement (loss). My reason and excuse (sometimes those words are interchangeable) is a personal one that I am not sharing today. What I am here to say is that every day, every hour, every minute is a new chance to start over.

I have started over a number of times this past year, not only with weight loss but other issues. Many things were bigger than weight loss but weight loss and maintenance is hard, very hard, if you don't invest your mind and energy into it. I have a trip planned in August. I am not concerned about looking good for the trip. I simply don't want to buy clothes a size larger than last year's summer clothes. That alone wasn't a strong enough reason for me to tackle weight loss earlier. I said the words but I didn't commit. I forgive myself for doing that.

So what made the difference two days ago? I can't honestly say. Some things percolate in my thoughts and come out of my mouth or are put into action without a scheduled release. I was writing an email to a friend who asked how I was doing. I told her that I am the author of my story and one chapter doesn't define my entire book. Somehow, writing that and thinking about the rest of the day changed things for me.

Yesterday was Day 1 of WW Freestyle for me, but I'm doing this on my own. I went to a meeting a week after this plan was introduced here in the USA, back to the same leader, same group, same day and time. I paid for three months. I stayed for the meeting, came home enthused about the changes, and tried to log in to the website as I done often for years. Long story made short, I wasn't given a code that I needed to log in. That was simple oversite. Dealing with corporate WW became the issue. Like so many other big businesses, their tech support is outsourced. I got NOWHERE dealing with this over two days. I was told that I had never been a registered member and they had no record of my email (despite getting emails from their site that very day that were ads). This was not the first time that I had trouble with support. I do not blame my leader. I contacted her the first day and she said I had contacted the correct corporate people for help. They did not get back to me. I tried again the second day and after being told the above nonsense, I contacted my customer service for my charge card to have the 3-month fee canceled. It was in process so nothing could be done until it posted. It posted the following day so I called again. The credit card company filed this under services not being delivered to the customer as promised. I was told it could take up to a week for resolution and it might not go my way. Three days later, it was resolved in my favor. The kicker? It wasn't that WW admitted they were wrong, it was that they ignored the credit card's attempt to contact them.

I am not bashing the WW program. I told my leader this. She got her superior involved and they wanted to give me a free month. I appreciate that effort but I was bitter and didn't want to give WW another dime.

Most of us know what we do, whether on a specific eating plan or not. I am following WW as I did before, incorporating the changes that I learned in that one meeting and have read about elsewhere. This isn't about WW anymore, this is about me. Weight loss is going to be an ongoing subject in my life story. I am ready to tackle this, one bite at a time, those bites being better choices.

Onward in life, downward on the scale!

The struggle continues

In January I wrote that I was 27.5 pounds from goal. Today I am 32 pounds away. I don't like this. I don't like how I look or how I feel. The problems that I alluded to in January are not present now so I have no excuses or legitimate reasons not to get back on program.

Speaking of programs though, I am going rogue for a while because I am angry. I did resume going to WW on the first Monday of February. A special promotion was offered, three months for a certain price. I paid that and unfortunately, that was the only Monday that I attended but that was not WW fault, it was circumstances beyond my control. I am not angry over prepaying for those three months.

A few weeks ago I was reconciling my charge card statement. There was $52 payment to WW. I did not knowingly sign up for this although I had done this previously. Shame on me for not reading the fine print in February, but also shame on the WW staff for not making this clear to me then.

I may fritter away $13 per week on nothing or worse, on junk food, but not for meetings that I could not attend. I still have good feelings about my leader and the members of the Monday meeting but I doubt I will rejoin them soon. I am going to attempt to lose most of the weight on my own and return when I am much closer to goal and then I will pay per meeting, assuming that is still an option.

Here we go again.....

I fell off the proverbial wagon late last summer. I could give you my reason and many would understand but I am here to say that a reason is often an excuse. Does everyone see a difference between an excuse in gaining (or a lapse in any other behavior that you are trying to correct) and a reason, meaning something that was beyond your control?  Going on steroids for a medical condition often causes weight gain but if you need steroids, that is a medical priority which is a reason. 

Instead of being 11.8 pounds from goal as I was last July, I am currently 27.5 pounds away. 

Rats!

Big, fat rats!

But you know what? I'm not beating myself up over this. With the exception of the last two weeks when I embraced a what the hell attitude all too often, I remained aware of intake even when I had stopped tracking. Circumstances of when and where I ate with little time to prepare something that would be good for me resulted in choices that were, at best, the lesser of some evils. Getting through a tough time with my head still screwed on straight tells me I am a survivor, even if a pudgier one than I'd like to be.

I can do this.

I still can't commit to Monday morning meetings but that should change soon. I could try another day or another leader but I want some of my old "normal" back so Mondays with Suzanne and the group of members that I liked is where I want to be. 

This is how life goes. You get thrown curve balls or whatever cliche you prefer. You juggle priorities. If the house is on fire, getting the bed made before the fire department arrives is not a concern. The positive thing about doing something so well for so long is that your awareness keeps tingling even if you've fallen off the wagon and don't quite have the energy to even try to keep up on a given day. No one wants to undo all the good they've accomplished and yet I have done that many time, twice in a BIG way with re-gains. 

If it were easy for those of us with the propensity to gain weight, we'd never have setbacks. Everyone has something. Don't be envious of the person who seems to be naturally slim. They may not have weight issues but there is something serious in their life that they want to change or have changed and struggle to maintain. 

I can do this and I will. One pound, heck...one ounce even, at a time. 

See you at the scales with a smile, not tears. 

I've been a slacker

I've been a slacker, both in weight loss effort and in posting here.

I haven't given up....far from it....I've just been comfortable and frankly, have given myself a break on watching every point.

Why? Sometimes I overextend myself. I try to "be" and do too many things all at the same time, and I need to be good if not excellent at them. Whoa....egotistical? I don't think it is ego because I'm not looking for approval from others, it is an internal struggle. Maybe it is the Virgo in me.

Anyway, I've been taking a lot of art classes and enjoying them....until I do something that either greatly disappoints me (ugh! that looks like hell!) or something that I simply do not enjoy but it was the scheduled lesson.

I was always a good student. I never skipped school, never missed turning in an assignment, never copied someone else's work. I loved school then and like taking classes now. The difference is that I am 63 years old, closing in on 64 (how the hell did that happen??) and I am not getting grades on what I do, no degree is being earned and no one is buying my art because I'm not selling.

So what is my problem?

I can be busy and still be relaxed if all of the busy-ness is fun stuff that I want to do. When the fun stuff plus the stuff I should be doing slams into the unexpected and a very full week of scheduled events, I become the high school student who didn't sleep well on Sunday nights because I was overly concerned about the week ahead, both classes and socially. My social life during my public school days was never ideal. I was, to be a blunt, a fat kid for most of those years and was a pariah to many. I had friends but looking back, it was all rather shallow as I only maintained one of those friendships after graduation.

I sometimes need to remind myself that I've come a long way and that I don't have to prove myself to anyone and I should be as nice to myself as I try to be to others. Since repeating this to myself often the past few weeks, I've found a way to indulge in excesses at parties (back to back to back two weeks ago!) and holidays (Memorial Day and July 4th) and still lose slowly. I know that the closer one gets to goal, the slower the loss becomes. Part of it is probably metabolic but I know that a big part is complacency.

When I'm around someone who thinks a person must be productive all the time, I tune them out or consider how agitated they seem when they are preaching that nonsense. It is okay to sit and enjoy the quiet.

I've given myself permission to learn some lessons without doing the project as planned. I've given myself permission to enjoy everything around me without truly losing control of what I eat. I am almost back to my lowest weight in this journey, something that has been up and down 3 pounds since the first of the year. I think I am ready to focus on the finish line, if you want to call goal the finish line. Truthfully, I know that this isn't the case. Maintaining goes on forever, there is no finish. It's rather like housework and laundry.

I think I am ready to start some form of exercise too. Gosh, I hate that word. Guess I need to change my attitude toward that, eh?

Despite chocolate pudding over the past weekend and two fewer Hershey bars in the cottage refrigerator, I am down .6 from last week and that was down .2 from the party-party-party weekend. I'm okay and I plan to stay okay.

Onward and downward, 11.8 to goal.

Chocolate won't help the struggle

There's a new flash for you, right?

It isn't the one slice of birthday cake at a family party or the once a month dinner and dessert out with friends that was hurting me the past few months. I've been losing all along with birthdays, holidays and dinners out. What was different the past few months?

An open candy dish 

This isn't my dish, but if it were, I could easily avoid the Almond Joy and Snickers bars and would pride myself on avoiding the M&Ms because they easily become mindless eating. Does anyone eat only 5 of them? I recognize that about them and declared this a long time ago:

So what's with the other stuff? They are little. Without even a lid on a dish to act as a temporary barrier, one that might slow you down a nanosecond to think, it was way too easy to grab one of those little Hershey bars (yum!) or second place Crunch bars. I won't bother to list the descending order of preferences but I could. 

It should have ended with Cadbury Eggs at Easter but it didn't. I pretended I was buying candy for others who come and go here, and I honestly did avoid the variety packs that heavily favored my preferences (those evil little Hershey or Milky Way bars) but if they were in the mix....guess who ate them?

I KNOW and chances are YOU (my unseen readers) know that those little candy bars have calories and WW points that count, and eating three of them triples that count. Profound, right? 

What is this post REALLY about? 

I'm not saying I will never eat candy again. I'm saying anyone with weight issues has to learn what their weaknesses are and figure out how to live with them. I know ice cream is one of mine and I've come to grips with that. I honestly didn't think candy was a problem. I do like chocolate but I don't think I'm ever out of control with chocolate itself. There is something about these little individually wrapped candies that gets me. 

I came home from a cruise in early February with a gain of 6.4 pounds. The following week, 4.6 pounds of that was gone. Then came Valentine's day and I was up .5 but the following week that was gone again. I have been a seesaw since then. Up .5 or .6, then down the same amount. Or up twice in a row and then down by 2 pounds only to go up again and again. 

GREAT BIG FACT #1:

If I didn't keep coming to WW, if I had said "oh hell" and thrown in the towel, instead of being up and down 1-2 pounds, I would probably be 10 pounds heavier by now. We all know how easy it is to slip into old habits. The love of ice cream that I'm in control of might have gotten a stronger voice and insisted on consoling me over the weight gain that those little candy bars caused. 

GREAT BIG FACT #2:

Once upon a time I would have been down on myself because of this, especially in light of many wonderful WW members telling me that they think of me when they are struggling and that they view me as an inspiration. Most of of us are our worst critics and for years I was no difference. I would encourage someone else struggling in this manner but wouldn't have cut myself any slack at all. It pays to be nice to yourself. We respond to positive comments from others, we need to hear that from that voice inside too. I never stopped giving myself positive feedback, I just had to stop washing it down with a Hershey's. 

GREAT BIG FACT #3:

I love that I look and feel better. I love that I can shop in the regular size departments instead of plus sizes where styles and colors are always more limited. I love that I have more energy to play tag with my grandson. I love that I have been off blood pressure medication for a year. I love that I am in comfortable in my own skin, figuratively and literally. 

Figuratively, I am not bothered by someone encouraging me to have something I don't want to eat by saying "one dessert or one drink isn't going to hurt you" because I know it won't. I just don't want it, or if I do, I will eat/drink it and don't need someone wondering if I am blowing my "diet". Their concerns are theirs, not mine. 

Literally, the loose skin on my arms has been a badge of honor since a busy body informed me "you know you will never get rid of that". I sometimes toy with the idea of beating her into submission with my bat wings but I'm usually too busy and that goes against my pacifist ways. Most of the time If I were more vain, perhaps that would bother me, but if I were more vain, maybe I never would have gotten to highest weight. Perhaps being more vain would make me a less likable person and while this sounds a little boastful, I know that I am likable and that pleases me. 

If someone thinks I'm a little shinier now, it isn't that the essence of who I am has changed, but with less weight dulling the shine, I undoubted am brighter and more confident. 

After a week of awareness with only two Butterfinger minis consumed and back to my regular menus, including occasional fast food meals (just being honest, not claiming they are excellent choices), I am down 2.8 pounds from last week, a new total of 86.5 pounds gone!

Onward and downward!

Slipping into the future

I've been a little lax in posting...a month since my last post. Really? 



My absence here has been partly busyness and partly frustration. I'm not going to lie and say the program doesn't work, the truth is that I wasn't working the program. After losing most of the cruise weight gain (6.4 pounds), I have been up and down the same half pound for weeks.

Losing weight on WW or any other sensible plan is about what you eat as well as what you think. Eating smaller amounts, going all non-fat, whatever your plan is will work but your head needs to wrap around changes if they are going to be permanent. I truly feel that I am eating to live rather than living to eat now, but that doesn't mean there aren't little slip ups and set backs.

WW rolled out the new Smart Points with an emphasis on less added sugars and processed foods. No body can honestly argue that merits of this. On the old Points Plus program, frozen WW treats, items that I enjoyed, had a much lower point value. In meetings, we discussed how treats aren't really treats if you have them every day. Okay, I get that. I stopped buying them.

I came home from the cruise up a bit in weight, but in a good frame of mind. After losing 4-point something of the 6 pounds without effort (just going back to how I had been eating). I didn't expect to struggle with the remainder. A pre-meeting discussion with other members last week shined a light on what might be problem.

Ever want some chocolate, something that feels like ice cream or candy or maybe salty snacks are your downfall? You don't want to cave and dive into a vat of ice cream or the family size bag of chips and sometimes distracting yourself just isn't working. I lost 85 pounds on the Points Plus program and that was eating frozen treats almost every day of the week. Since being home from the cruise I've been subconsciously looking for them. Some nights I ate fruit, fruit and more fruit. Healthier than candy but in excess and still not satisfying my craving. When I say craving, I'm sure it was mental as much if not more than physical. Other nights I had something not at all good points-wise, such as a package of Pop Tarts. I don't even truly like Pop Tarts but I was like a junkie looking for a fix.

On the way home from last Monday's meetings, I bought my usual stock of fruits, veggies and dairy and included two types of WW frozen treats. Not only are they greater in point value now, they are much smaller. Bummer........BUT....get this: they satisfied that urge the three nights I had them this past week and I was down 2 pounds this morning.

As I have said before, Weight Watchers works but I am not a model member. I don't do everything by the book. Everyone has to find out what works for them. The WW treats help me by being instant portion control and in truth, since I rarely go into extra weekly points, I can afford them. Now that that they are back in the house I have given myself permission to have them, I don't think I will crave them the way I did the past month.

Minds can be funny things to figure out, even when they're our own.

I'm hoping, as I slip into the future, to reach my goal by my anniversary date on June 2nd. If I don't make it by then, I'll still be okay. As the saying goes:

Eighty-five point four stars of lost weight is out there, reminding me how strong I am, what I've learned and how far I've come.

Yay me!

Consequences, Life and Balance

The good news is that I lost 4.6 pounds of the 6.4 pound vacation gain. I still firmly believe that part of that was water retention from more sodium than normal the last few days before weighing in, but obviously I am happy with the loss.

The bad news? There is no bad news.

I splurged not only on vacation but at a family birthday celebration last week. I had two Coney dogs minus buns, ice cream for dessert and a Miller Lite that evening. Perhaps paring that down and skipping some of the chocolate floating around due to Valentine's Day, I would have lost the whole amount gained but I am okay with what I've done.

I have more weight to lose so I'm not in maintenance mode but I am learning how far I can stray when the occasion arises. Sometimes the best choice will still be a high number of WW points but there is more to life than counting points. Don't get me wrong, they ARE important but we do have our weekly reserve that we can dip into, and sometimes a person just has to do something off the chart.

The consequences of overeating is weight gain. I don't plan to do this often, I've worked too hard to get this far.

Life is to be lived. That doesn't mean eat whatever you want all the time or you'll gain an unhealthy amount of weight again and that will shorten the life you are anxious to enjoy living.

Balance is not a cookie in each hand, as tempting at that can sound. Balance is knowing when you can take a cookie, eat it and not slide back into bad habits (I could have sworn that column of Oreos was full a minute ago!) and when you need to remind yourself that you don't really need that cookie. It is just a cookie. It is not unconditional love. It is not world peace, the cure for dreaded diseases or anything at all magical. Balance is enjoying it if you do decide to eat it, but knowing having four more won't improve the taste you had with that first bite.

Onward and downward.

After the cruise...

Our vacation was wonderful.   Wonder. Full.    Won. Der. Full.   However you spell it or break it down, it was great.

While I didn't track, I was aware of what I ate, even the days I had ice cream numerous times. Yes, a cruise can be a dangerous place for a weight watcher, but I gave myself permission to cut loose and found that I didn't eat as much as I thought I might. I just plain don't feel good if I am too full and lord knows I don't want to outgrow my clothes!

At Monday's weigh in I was up 6.4 pounds. Based on how I feel this morning and by our home scale, I think part of that was water retention. My fingers felt pudgy on Monday and that is a definite sign for me. I'll know for sure how much damage my vacation did at my next weigh in. I have gone back to my new normal this week, nothing drastic to undo those 6 pounds. This is life. It will happen from time to time but I won't let it happen week after week.

 

Feeling regal enough to wear horizontal stripes later at Pirate Night on the Disney Cruise

 

With my favorite beach buddies

For my so-called friend who informed that I'd never get rid of the excess skin without surgery: See those bat wings (as you referred to them)? Bite them you lousy nay-sayer. I don't give a bat wing or a rat's hind end what you think. Don't like them? Look away. 

 

Rare moments with my mouth closed (not smiling or laughing) although I do appear to me smirking in the first photo. I bet I was thinking that ice cream weight surely melts in the sun!

Pre-vacation weigh in

I missed weigh in last week due to illness and apparently didn't post here the week before that. I'm not bored, just busy. Not feeling compelled to write after every weigh in might be a sign of comfort rather than danger.

Trust me, that isn't likely to be a Weight Watcher philosophy but it is how I'm feeling right now and it is all good. I'm making better choices now quite naturally as opposed to reaching for something with little nutritional value and way too many points. I'm not a saint, I had REAL ice cream twice recently, but one scoop, not the cereal bowl that used to be a normal serving.

I will miss next week's weigh in because I will be on vacation. I expect I will eat a few things that I wouldn't be eating here at home, but I also expect to be much more active. The mentality of thinking I have to eat all that is on my plate because I paid for it is gone. I paid way too dearly in weight gain thinking that way for years.

Today's scale has me down 86.2 pounds. Yay me!

Onward and downward!

Negative talk

My previous post was an upbeat one. This one isn't downbeat but is about negativity.

I hear people speaking negatively about themselves and it makes me sad. Some of these kind people would never said a bad word about someone else but are so hard on themselves. I know I've had some of those feelings about myself in the past, but not in recent years, at least not often. That hasn't changed because of weight loss. I liked myself 84 pounds heavier, I am simply healthier and proud of what I've accomplished now.

Negativity is around us, sometimes coming from people who simply don't realize what they're saying.

Just one dessert won't hurt.
You're going to blow away if you lose another pound.
You don't need to lose any more weight.
You're no fun anymore.

Short of being a drug addict or alcoholic and having an addicted friend tell you that just one {insert substance of choice here} won't hurt, no one clean and sober would tell you that one hit or drink won't hurt you. People who don't want to lose a dessert buddy or those who have never had a weight issue may not realize these remarks are inappropriate.

Beyond them, there are those who should know better but open their yaps anyway. Like the reformed smoker or drinker who seems to be on a mission to change everyone else, there are those who have lost weight and think they should comment on what you eat and weigh.

Should you be eating that?
How much did you say you lost? (somehow implying they don't believe the total)

What I am about to say is about someone within the organization where I have been so successful. I have debated about saying something to this person directly but A) I don't like confrontation unless I feel it is absolutely necessary and B) I will continue to encounter this person and this discussion could cloud the future.

I will call this person X and not reveal anything else about them. X sometimes works at the weigh in counter and sometimes subs as a speaker. There are many good qualities about X but some don't sit well with me and I recently discovered I am not alone.

Weight Watchers is not about shaming. They are not the food police. If you encounter WW personnel in a grocery store or restaurant, they are not there to judge you by what is in your cart or on your plate and vice versa. I say this in case someone is reading this entry, unsure about the WW program and thinks my comments about one person is representative of all. X is the only exception and on any given day, you might not recognize them from what I am about to say.

In speaking about this past holiday, X told the meeting that X and spouse were at an event where the spouse sat near a table of snacks and desserts. X told us that they went over to their spouse and told spouse to move from that seat because spouse had already had eaten 2 cookies.
THUD!
That wasn't just the sound of my jaw dropping, but of others around me. Thinking about this later, perhaps X and spouse watch out for each other and the comment was welcome by the spouse, but the way this was recounted to us was very judgmental and felt downright rude.

In my previous post I said that I did over indulge occasionally over the holidays, but was still mindful of what I was doing. The instances prior to X's meeting didn't make me feel happy, sad, guilty or mad. The two instances after X's story made me feel anger. I replayed X's story and felt they were judging me even without their eyes being present. It didn't help that X had been the person weighing me in with both gains.

Since I have not discussed this with X, they have no reason to know how I feel or how their comments were taken by those of us in attendance. The purpose of this entry isn't to bash someone but to let anyone who might be reading this (or to remind me) that each of us is in control of what we do. Whether X means to be judgmental or just sounds pompous while having good intentions, when we hear something negative we have two choices.

Speak up if it is something that needs to be stopped
-or-
Let it go and remind yourself that your opinion on how you are doing is the one that counts.

Having given this enough thought that I decided to write about it, if X speaks this way again about their spouse, I will say something during the meeting. If they aren't being unkind but just not telling their story well, they'll know how we members are hearing them and might chose their wording differently next time. If they are being pompous, they'll know that I see that and don't like it. Is that negative? No, it is standing up for myself and everyone who is on this journey.

Three days have passed since I wrote the above portion of this entry. I've gone back and forth on the merits of sharing this and decided it is a good thing for me to do. This is probably all for naught as I don't think many are reading this, but as I said above, it will be a reminder to ME. 

What clinched the decision was talking about WW with my knitting group last night. One woman has attended a few meetings where X has subbed and she knew immediately who I was referring to the minute I told the cookie story. 

Onward with the journey

Downward with the scale numbers

Upward with a positive attitude!

The year to reach goal? I think so!!

I've sort of slipped in posting and keeping track of what number weigh in I'm on. Such is life.

The holidays weren't really a struggle but I did gain 1.5 pounds. Was I aware of what I was doing? Yes. I enjoyed what I ate and drank but stayed mindful of what I was doing. Had I not, that gain would have many times greater than 1.5 pounds!

If someone is reading this who is struggling with all issues of weight loss, 1.5 pounds gained might sound like nothing or it might sound like the beginning of the end. It is neither. It is cause and effect. A gain is reversible. As my leader Suzanne said today, we can't think of food as good or bad. A blouse isn't good or bad, but when shopping, we have to decide if the price of the blouse is within our budget.

Sometimes we are going to splurge because something just looks too scrumptious to pass up. A dinner with my sister-in-law wasn't terribly over point allotment, but a few other days like that contributed to the gain. I don't feel guilty. I didn't do anything bad. I will make other choices this week and the rest of the gain will disappear. I spend wisely, whether Smart Points or dollar bills, even if occasionally it doesn't look like I have a budget.

I will be going on vacation next month and need shorts and a bathing suit. I haven't had a flattering bathing suit in eons and last year's shorts were happily too large at the end of summer so online shopping ensued last night. Because it is hard to know for sure how a suit will fit and if it will flatter, I ordered one bottom and two tops from one store, and another top and bottom elsewhere. These five pieces were a ridiculous sum of money for someone who rarely gets in a pool but weather permitting, that is where I will be next month. Decency requires body parts to be covered. Vanity requires this to be achieved somewhat tastefully. If some combination of the suit separates fit this criteria, the expense will be a worthwhile splurge.

Having said all that and sounding positive, I need to talk about something negative. I will do that in a separate entry because I want this one to be strictly upbeat.

I am less than 15 pounds from the goal I've set at WW but I intend to go below that and see how that feels and works for me. Considering I didn't know if I could or would stick with WW when I rejoined in June of 2014, part of me can't believe I am able to say I am 15 pounds from that goal. Having lost 84 pounds (down .5 from that 1.5 gain) as of today, I am sure that I can achieve my goal this year!

Onward, downward and in a new suit once the mail arrives!

Weigh in # 78

Where did a whole month go? Neither of my blogs have had a new post. Life was simply busier than it had been and coupled with a cold (hopefully my annual one so I can now say one and done), I just haven't taken the time to write.

I wasn't avoiding coming here because of gains but I did have two small, consecutive gains. I was getting lazy about tracking and cocky about how much I could snack and get away with it. Most of that was leftover Halloween candy that wasn't even favorites and therefore not worth it.

Just as I was about to rededicate myself to tracking, the new Smart Points plan was introduced. While  part of me was wishing they had waited until January to roll out the new program, I wasn't truly upset by the timing. The many glitches in the WW mobile apps and inability to access their site on my PC had me uttering a few choice words. There are still problems, but they're being worked on.

The changes in the program itself are good. The focus is more on protein and less on saturated fats and added sugar. We all know we should have been headed this way but you could follow the old program faithfully and still maintained some bad habits.

Ice cream is one of the things that got me into trouble over the years. I loved ice cream and rarely had a moderate serving. I have had WW brand frozen treats on hand since returning to WW in June of 2014. I have had one almost daily, tracked and fitting into my day. So what is the problem?  For me, it was a bad habit being continued in only a slightly better package.

With Smart Points, many lean proteins now give you more quantity per point. Saturated fats and added sugars have the opposite effect. Some frozen treats that were formerly 3 points are now 6 points. Milk and yogurt have gone up too. Certainly they aren't bad foods, but my morning coffee yogurt is now 6 points instead of four. The yogurt is important to me and a healthier habit than having ice cream every night.

So how did my first week on the new program go?  Twice my schedule was so derailed I had McDonalds for dinner. I tracked and had raw veggies and fruit once home again to round out those unplanned meals. I only used  a total of  3 optional weekly points, never felt hungry and ....tah dah....lost 3.8 pounds!  My new total lost is 85 pounds.

Onward and downward!

Weigh in # 74

This week should have been number 75 but I had a colonoscopy last week and never weighed in. The procedure wasn't successful despite my prep being done exactly as spelled out. I went from being mortified to pissed when I read the label "poor prep".  This isn't the place to go into all of that but I am no hurry to repeat the procedure which was a preventative screening, nothing suspicious in my health called for this to be done.

The big change for me this go-round with WW has been realizing that I am an emotional eater, but based on how food tastes not how I was feeling. It has been relatively easy for me to have a taste or normal serving size of something without over indulging. That food will taste good again the next time I eat it, I don't have to consume three helpings right now.

Hunger, including a hunger headache, along with being very annoyed after the procedure last week led to some poor choices. It wasn't so much the meals that were out of control, it was my hand reaching into the bowl of leftover Halloween candy. Do I know better? Of course I do. So why did I keep reaching in? Even after a week of thinking about this, I don't have a good answer.

I'm still down from the weigh in of two weeks ago so a person might wonder what the heck I'm talking about. I'm talking about how easy it is to back slide. I feel like my head is screwed back on straight again. I feel re-focused.

Onward and downward, 83.9 pounds gone.

Weigh in #73

The weigh in after Halloween was good on the scales. I am down an even 83 pounds now. I have a colonoscopy next Monday so I doubt I will get to a full meeting but I will weigh in a day or two after the procedure.

Weigh in # 72

The nagging little gains of the past two weeks went away, and then some. Down 1.7 for a new total of 81.8 pounds gone.  I'm 16.4 pounds from the goal set at WW but I plan to go for another 21.4 - 26.4 and see if I can maintain that weight. Time will tell.  Meanwhile, I need to shop for Halloween candy and get through that temptation.

Been there, tried that, it didn't work!

Ain't that the truth?

So true, so true. 

I'm happy to say that the last photo isn't true at all. My set backs have been very minor and I haven't felt deprived once. I know it is because of the mind-body connection. I wish I could tell everyone how to find the key that works for them. Here's to never losing mine, both the key and my mind. 

Weigh in #71 Self love

I need to get back to writing here on Mondays after weighing in, or Tuesdays at the latest. I've been both busy and complacent. Busy has kept me from writing, complacent has me slipping a bit in practices and I've been up the past two weeks at the scales. Point 4 last week and .5 yesterday. Not earth shattering, but not a good trend.

A fellow WW member almost quit yesterday but decided to come to the meeting after all. I understand that feeling, not so much this go round, but in previous attempts at WW years ago. What bothers me is her comments about her appearance "I thought I looked good until I saw myself in a photo. What was I thinking?" and "I'm just plain fat".

I bet she DID look good in that photo, the best she could on that day, especially if she was happy. We pick ourselves apart in ways we never do to someone else. I'm not going to lie and say I never said those things to myself, and was never unhappy in a dressing room while trying to find appealing and appropriate clothing, but we are all more than whatever number the scale and tape measure says!

We need to love ourselves. We need to eat well for the right reasons.

Eat well = Better health
Better health =  Easier movement
Easier movement = Happier life

That circle can go on with great results.

"I'm fat and ugly, therefore I will starve myself"  isn't sustainable.
"I'm fat and ugly and will try WW to lose weight before {name the event} or to reach a certain dress size"  also doesn't work. What happens the day after the event?

What we eat, the quality and quantity, is what packs on the pounds but the key issues are figuring out WHY we choose to do that and learning HOW to break that habit.

I was very happy at my son's wedding. I loved my dress and hair that day. I have wonderful memories of this event.

Do I like my appearance more now? Is it easier to shop for clothing that I like? Do I move easier and have more energy? Yes, yes and yes but I am not ashamed of that wedding photo. We all struggle with something and do the best we can with the knowledge and tools we have at even give time. Do I wish I had learned this ages ago such as when I became a lifetime member 30 years ago? Sure, but that is the past and I don't live there. I live in the present.

Loving yourself is not an unhealthy ego trip. Look in the mirror and BEYOND the mirror. What pleases you about yourself?

I am kind
I am funny and smile often
I am creative
I like to read
I like to knit
I look for the good in people and situations
I love my family
I am a good person

I am in that person in the turquoise sweater and size 14 jeans.
I am/was that same person in the silver dress, size 22  (jeans would have been 24).

Be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else.

Week 69: Mighty, mighty fine!

I weighed in on Monday hoping to finally hit 80 pounds loss.  It didn't quite happen...I am done 81 pounds!

I feel like I can do anything I set my mind on. I'm busy with art classes, crafts, knitting and a book club that launched at my house Monday night. I know my energy level is up because I am pleasantly tired at the endogamy busy day, not exhausted as before.

Life is really, really good!

Week 68: Feeling Great!

I gained six-tenth of a pound, so why am I so happy?

Last week was my birthday. I am 63 now and in good health. My dear mom suffered with arthritis which began before she reached 63. So far, I am not showing signs of that dreadful disease. My wonderful dad died five months after his 63rd birthday. It was unexpected, a heart attack. Would that have been found today because of what we know and test for now?

I am happy because I am feel and look so much better than I did a few years ago. The family celebration, complete with pizza, cake and ice cream was on Friday. The next day was a neighborhood party celebrating autumn. I baked for it but only had a small taste of each dessert. I think the weekend is too blame for today's gain but I don't expect it to stick around long.

Part of this morning's discussion at WW was about working on a specific goal for a week. After selecting a specific goal, such as eating more vegetables or walking for exercise, we are to pick a measure for this goal. Two additional servings of vegetables? Once around the block on your walk?  And next we are to pick an attainable goal. Will extra vegetables be difficult at first? Pick two days out of seven. How many days do you think you can realistically get the walk in?

Everything in life is about balance. Sometimes our food choices will be out of balance when we don't have control of food provided. Sometimes the skewed balance will be due to unique situations and opportunities. If I ever go to Paris, I will sample whatever fine cuisine is recommended and get back on track when I return. This weekend was a mini "Paris" situation.

My family knew that I needed new clothes for the approaching cool weather. I gave clothing sizes,  something that I never did two years ago. I received great items but was worried that a few things wouldn't fit because of the style and saw the tag on black slacks was too small. I'm feeling lucky to be in a 14 and these were a 12.

I tried on everything but the slacks that night, thrilled that it all fit.  My husband saw the tag and read my mind. He suggested I put them aside until they do fit. Oh what the heck....lets see how far into them I can get. WOW! I got them on, buttoned and zipped!  I'm not saying they were comfortable YET but they will be one day. Yay me!

Weeks 66 and 67: Busy and Bothered

I've been busier than usual lately and last week's post didn't happen because I was struggling. My weight loss was zero last week, but that wasn't the struggle. I was contemplating when to speak up and when to let it go.

Normally the opinions of others don't bother me too much. I can't say that I'm completely immune, but I know WHO I am and how far I've come, both in regards to weight and many other areas of my life. If a person calls me ugly, fat, stupid, etc., I am more apt to wonder what is going on with them that prompted that outburst than worried that I am any of those things.

I grew up hearing "consider the source" and this usually carries me through. Sometimes an unkind comment is made when the speaker has no idea they are saying something potentially painful. "Why don't you try for a girl?" might seem like a harmless question to the mother of two sons, but not if she lost a daughter on the delivery table and had an emergency hysterectomy because of a ruptured uterus. That example happened more than once to me, but always with someone who didn't know my personal history and I never took offense. If a response was actually required, I usually simply said that I couldn't have any more kids. No sense making someone feel worse when they have inadvertently put their foot in their mouth, right?

As someone who has always done arts and crafts, I've heard more times than I can count "you have too much time on your hands".  Really? Someone is monitoring my time and making a judgement? My father's words about being better than others when it comes to rudeness is the only thing that prevented me from telling one woman (a frequent repeater of that phrase) that she could get a few things done too if she got out of the bars a few nights per week.

I may not speak retaliatory slurs but I do think them. Usually I can let it go after that.

We all have people that we must continue to work with or around. Relatives, neighbors and co-workers can't be avoided forever. My struggle with the post that was started but never submitted last week was about dealing with one such person. At what point do you hold out your hand and say STOP?

The last three times I've encountered this person, the first or second thing out of her mouth was to comment on how the loose skin in my upper arms (and elsewhere) was never going to go away. The first time, I made no comment. The second time I told her she is repeating herself. The third time I told her I am fine with this. The last two encounters were in the presence of others and that is part of what stopped me from saying more.

I could you give you a list of things she has said over the years that have been rude and unsolicited. If I ask you how this dress looks, I've opened the door to your opinion. Telling me that I look like hell in brown after seeing a photo of me having a good time at a wedding reception is not the same thing.

The silent treatment doesn't work with her. She isn't quiet long enough to notice the frosty silence. During the last two weeks I've replayed numerous things she has said as I mentally rehearsed telling her off. Part of me would like to stand toe to toe and scream my words so that spittle lands on her face. That would be for the rude remarks about family. Would that change her? I doubt it. It isn't just towards me, I've witnessed this with others.

Many things have popped up on Facebook or been encountered on Pinterest that seem to be speaking directly to me on this. I've decided that I won't seek her out to say anything that I had planned, but I will cut her off the next time she says anything demeaning. If you stepped on my toe once, I'd assume it was an accident. If you didn't apologize, I would think you hadn't noticed. If you repeatedly did this, I'd say something before you bruised or broke my toe. That is where I am on this, it is time to say something. I can't stop anyone from thinking what they will, nor can I stop them from talking about me to others, but she doesn't have my permission to talk that way to me. If speaking up ends what is left of our relationship, it will be a parting long overdue.

These first three graphics are what I feel and have to smile about before I can get to the last one.

And finally....Bingo!

To end on a WW update, this week I am down another .7 pounds for a total of 79.7 gone. I sure hope I reach 80 next week, arm flaps and all!

Onward and downward (except if caught in an updraft)!

Week # 65

Today is a Tuesday that feels like a Monday. Yesterday was Labor Day, Saturday was our 40th anniversary and we had the kids and grandkids with us this weekend at the cottage. Nothing was "normal" in activity or food, but all was good. 

I made brownies for the weekend and my daughter-in-law brought homemade chocolate chip cookies. I ate some of both. We also had two casserole main dishes that I didn't try to figure out the count. This is why, despite the encouragement from the lovely ladies who work at WW, I will never be employed by WW. The plan is great. The plan works. The plan isn't something I follow to a tee though.

What have I learned since the last time I tried to fudge the plan? That you can't vary by much and expect good results. People who know nutrition, metabolism and math spend a lot of time and research discovering what will work and why. Those of who have battled weight for years can't alter of their work and then complain when it doesn't work. 

So, getting back to what I've learned that works for me is that I am probably not going to spend the rest of my life counting points exactly BUT I know what the boundaries are. The time spent with family and my choices were special occasions and yes, I could have figured out the points but honestly, some of the things were going to be consumed no matter what. The difference that remains a constant is the smaller amount of what I eat unless I know it is a safe food for me. Fruits and vegetables are safe, filling and good for me. 

My family has a history at our cottage of going to one of two places for wonderful ice cream. My daughter-in-law didn't feel like going and my husband wasn't interested in ice cream the night that my sons and grandson went. Despite being married to me for 40 years, my husband can turn down ice cream when he isn't hungry for it. Turning down ice cream is new to me but I've learned I can do that and still function.

It does help that neither place usually has plain coffee ice cream which is my all time favorite. The above concoction looks like Play-doh to me and I dare not taste it. Ever. I have yet to find a flavor of ice cream that I wouldn't eat. Some people struggle with salty foods, some struggle with alcohol (and I mean WW points, not substance abuse) and me...it is ice cream. I don't care for rhubarb but I would eat rhubarb ice cream if you set it front of me. 

I'm not saying I never have ice cream now, but I am controlling it, IT isn't controlling me. I almost always have some form of WW ice cream in the house, and if I eat the really good stuff, I order it out where portion control is part of the deal. An open half gallon of coffee ice cream would call to me all day long and might even try to wake me up at night. That is a splurge best left to restaurants and ice cream vendors where two scoops, max, is the most that would be served at one sitting.

I'll have more to say about what I've learned next week but I'm rambling now. I went to an open weigh in this morning and was happy that despite the sweets, I managed to keep things in some form of balance and lost another .9 pounds for a total of 79.  I am in a new number bracket (like being 39 instead of 40 except age never goes down) and I am looking forward to losing another pound so that I can say 80 are gone. 

Onward, downward and still motivated!